It's Already December?

So much has been going on the past few months, that I've forgotten about this blog. I've been extremely busy with school, and work as of late. If I'm going to be completely honest, my daily walk with Christ has been suffering. It seems as if I am in a rut. I just want reassurance from Him, and I feel as if my heart is turning on itself. Words cannot describe how much I long to hear from my Savior. My faith has been challenged more than ever, but in a way I'm glad: it shows that Satan is trying to make me stumble because I have been bought with a price by a God who loves me - more than anyone. But lately, my heart has started to feel numb. I don't really know how to describe it. Things that usually have affect me no longer bother me, and things that never bother me are trying my patience. This isn't just a certain time of the month - it's been going on for several months. I keep seeking comfort from Christ, but I can't seem to find it - which is frustrating. However, it is in time like this that we need to stay immersed in God's word. :)
As one of my favorite authors, J.R.R. Tolkien once said, "You can only come to the morning through the shadows." 

Me + God = All I Need :)

I should be in bed but I'm doing homework ;P yeah , I'm awake..and I still have 2 chapters to read in Theatre and Anthropology before 9:10 tomorrow haha. I'm loving every second of college no matter how crazy it gets. I love being busy and having tasks to accomplish on a certain schedule. haha I even went out and bought a freakin nice planner and I've been penciling stuff in like crazzzzzyyy! :) God's been so good the past few days - even more than usual. I've been reading in this daily devotion called Jesus Calling and I adore the illustrations they give with words straight out of the Bible! :) I've been so satisfied in God lately and I can't wait to see what He has planned for me over the next few months, years...lifetime. He's been showing me His undying love through His word, His children, His creation and through songs praising His name. :) Our God is so amazing and loving! I just can't seem to get past that, and honestly at the end of the day, even if I couldn't find a parking place, even if I stayed up till 2 doing homework, even if I didn't get to go hang with my friends, even if one of my professors got on my nerves or one of my friends said something hurtful - there's nothing our God can't heal and complete with His love and mercy. :) Me + God. That's all I need. And honestly, I'm cool with it just being me and God from now on. There is no love that can compare, complete or satisfy me enough than my Savior's. :)

Ready? "No." Set? "No." OH..Well Here We Go Anyway!

First day of class at Memphis! Oh my word, I love it so far! My first class is Intro to Theatre and I adore my professor! He was talking about what to expect this upcoming semester and I am so pumped about what I am going to learn in this class. My second class is Cultural Anthropology which I am also excited about. I have about 15 minutes between those two classes to get down three streets, around the corner, across another street and up two flights of stairs in 10 minutes - carrying a 6 pound backpack. But I LOVE IT! One of the highlights of today was: L-U-N-C-H! I have about a 1 1/2  hour break between my second and last class so that's wonderful. I went to the Tiger Den and wasn't surprised to find it swamped! Looking around to find a familiar face, and seeing none, I got in line for my Subway. I'm not uncomfortable about going up to a new group or sitting by myself at lunch so I was going to get my food and find somewhere to sit. Then my best friend's sister comes up behind me and hugs me. Ah! Someone I know. Finally. So I sat with Gracie and one of her friends. Then my friend Jonathan and Jake came and sat with me for about the entire lunch hour haha. After lunch, I have Psychology for about 2 hours, so I walked over to the psyc building. This class seems fun and I can't wait to get started on the material!

After class, there was a ceremony for the freshmen in one of the theaters so I met up with my friends Jacob, Jonathan and Joel (whoa three "J's") and we listened to the Memphis Tiger's coach Pastner speak, we got free shirts, food and then we took a Class of 2014 picture. WHEW. Long day but I had soo much fun. I hardly have any homework, and from looking at the syllabus, it's gonna stay that way for at least these 3 classes! :) Tomorrow I have 2 classes so hopefully the homework will all even out into a comfortable load. ANND I need to work a job in all of the chaos of life :P Thank you God for an awesome first day! :)

It's the Little Moments That We Remember

Today was probably one of the best days I've had in awhile even though nothing really happened :) haha. To start the day off, I had a really good quiet time in 2 Timothy. Then for breakfast I chopped up a banana, apple and put some blueberries, yogurt and cranberry juice in the blender and BAM!: breakfast :) ANND I colored my hair and now it has a reddish tint to the top layer and I think it looks pretty awesome! Tonight my mom, sister and I made dinner while singing in the kitchen. We made a garden salad, chicken, boiled potatoes, fresh green beans and chocolate chip cookies for dessert! Yum! Then after supper, my friend Tori came over and we watched the Last Song - which actually was really good even though I don't care for Miley Cyrus ;P - and we had so much fun just talking and laughing for hours :) It's been awhile since I've laughed that hard for such a long time. God has blessed me so much with amazing friends and I am so excited to start school next week and begin more friendships! Yesterday, me and two of my friends, Erin and Jake, went to Memphis to figure out where our classes were and just hang out around campus for awhile. It's kind of surreal knowing that I start college in 4 days! :)

The Silence Before the Storm aka College :P

Goodness, I've been up to my neck with random odds and ins such as buying school books, job hunting and going to Destin. :) It's hard to believe that next week I start my classes at Memphis! I'm very excited but I realize that I will be swamped. This past week, I was in Destin with my mom, my sister, Amy Murk, Donna Park and her daughter Emma. We had a blast! I think one of the my favorite things on this trip was sitting outside every night and looking at the moon and stars over the ocean :) I actually wrote a short poem about it, so I thought I'd share it:

Everything seems simpler at night.
All the noise and chaos of the world seem
to go to sleep with the sun. The sound of
the ocean drowns out all of the confusions
and questions, leaving your ears filled with
the music of the waves fighting over the shore.
Then - then the magic happens: the moon
wakes up. The reflection of the moon lights
up the ocean and the sand. There's a fairytail
feeling in the air - like something extraordinary
will happen at any moment. It's a sight that no picture
can capture and a feeling that no human can possibly
describe.  There's an unsettling peace that floods your
heart, mind and soul - this happens all at once
when the moonlight is reflected in the ocean.

When I got back from my trip to Destin, I went over to my best friend's house. My friend Kendall left for Mississippi College and saying goodbye to her was one of the hardest things I've ever done. If you've had to let someone you love go for a time you understand but if you haven't, you cannot imagine how hard it is. I've had friends tell me "she's coming back," and "it's not like she's dead," but it's much more than just a friend leaving for school: it's knowing that your best friend who you've spent countless hours, days, weeks and months talking to, laughing and crying with, sharing secrets with, singing in the car with and just randomly calling to say "hey, let's go to Sonic..Now!" is more than 30 minutes away. Priorities are changing and life is rearranging - and it's starting with sitting in her room with a bunch of tissues just hugging her and realizing that this is it. Gosh I start crying just thinking about it. Kendall has been and will be one of the few people who have made such a difference in my life. Without her.. I wouldn't be me. God has wonderful plans for me and my friends and I can't wait to see what He has planned :) it's just hard sometimes to trust that everything will be alright, especially when this part of the bigger picture has to be so painful.

"I'm Here. Trust Me." - God

Falling into the unknown if one of the scariest things in the world - especially when no one else knows. Who do you turn to for help and guidance? It seems that God keeps putting me in the middle of these situations and I have no choice but to turn to Him first - which is what should happen anyway. It's amazing what happens when you admit that everything is out of your control and totally give it to God. :) I'm going to Destin next Saturday!! :) I'm so excited but it's kind of bittersweet because two of my friends will be leaving while I'm away :( My best friend is leaving for college and the other is going off to bootcamp for the navy. I also applied for about 5 jobs today! :) Including Starbucks, JCrew, Outdoors Store and Anthropolgie... :) My position as a nanny will end this Friday and a new job will take its place!

God is God & I am not

Well this past weekend I was in St. Louis with Faith's college group and made some amazing new friends. When I got up this morning my mom told me that my dog was having trouble walking. I went outside and he wasn't eating or drinking and his breathing was really off, so I picked him up and carried him inside. I ended up staying home from church to take care of him. As the day went on, he seemed to be getting better. I spent most of the day cuddling with him and trying to get him to drink. My friend Jeff came over to rehearse a song with me that we were going to sing tonight - after he left Jody started to cough and I went and sat next to him and started talking to him and petting him, telling him it was gonna be okay. Then he went stiff and I freaked out. I've never experienced losing a pet or seeing life leave 'someone' who was close to me and it was probably the worst feeling in the world. And 30 minutes later, I had to go to church and sing about praising God while trying not to cry - not easy.

You Have To Hurt Before You Can Heal

It's been awhile since my last post - but my computer has been down. God has shown me so much about Himself in the past few weeks! As much as we hear "God is in control," and "God knows what is best for you," I don't think we ever grasp the truth of those words until we are put in a situation where all we can do is lean on Him for everything. I don't feel like it's necessary for me to go into detail on the circumstances, but I will say that I've been in several situations recently when all I can do is turn to God for comfort, peace and joy.

Sometimes God cannot reveal himself to us unless we are completely broken before Him. Even though it's painful and it seems like it's not fair at times, it shows how awesome our God is! Over the past few weeks, I've been on the verge breaking but I wasn't letting go and surrendering to my Father. Today, I broke all the way. It was one of the most painful yet amazing experiences of my life. He had to break me before He could heal me and the healing is outweighing the pain of being broken. I'm so excited to see what God has in store for me!

On a lighter note, I'll be out of town this coming weekend! I am leaving on Thursday for a 3 day trip to Saint Louis with Faith's college group. :) I'm so excited! We'll be going to a baseball game, the mall and 6 flags. I'll be posting pictures and video from the trip on facebook for sure :)

Giving up, giving in

Stressful doesn't even begin to describe this past week. I don't have to (and I don't need to) go into details but this week has really tested my faith in God. I've seen and felt myself being pushed beyond what I thought I could handle. Even though it's been a struggle to have my quiet time every single day, and even though it's been hard to thank God everyday for everything - it's been by only source of peace, strength and comfort.

However, some fun things have happened this past week :) My brother and his band "Crushing Juliet," played on Fox 13 this morning. I went to the studio to watch them perform and I was really impressed with their sound. I also went to the art museum at the University of Memphis today and walked around campus for awhile. When I went to the UC, I realized that the third group of new student orientation was going on. So, I wandered around and found the group of orientation leaders hanging out in one of the lounges. My orientation leader, Clarence, spotted me and we talked for a few minutes before he had to go find his group. Talking to the Juniors and Seniors at Memphis today really encouraged me - I'm so excited about school this fall, it's unreal. AND I got six inches cut off my hair :)

Our God Provides :)

CRAZY weekend! Orientation went really well Thursday-Friday and I'm so excited about going to Memphis in the fall! :) As of right now, I'm uncertain of my major ... it's somewhere between nutrition, art and dental hygiene. Yes I know, it's quite a broad range but I know God will show me what His plan is. And I found a part time job!! I will be a Nanny for two adorable girls four days a week :) I met with the family tonight and they're the sweetest Christian family. I'll only work about four hours in the afternoon so this gives me time to find another part time job in the mornings! :) I have a complete peace about this job and I'm so excited about what God has planned :) Even though I know I will be insanely busy, there is a sense of peace in the chaos. :)

A cup of tea with Frank Sinatra :)

Praise God! This week has been so much better than I thought it would be! :) Since Monday, I've actually been motivated more than usual to get up and have my quiet time and read a few chapters in this book I got for graduation called "Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire," by Pastor Jim Cymbala. This week has  been sooo busy and it's only Wednesday! The mornings have gone something like this: quiet time, pilates, run, decorating my room, lunch, thank you notes, cleaning, getting ready for orientation and job hunting. Not to mention seeing Letters to Juliet with two of my guy friends on Monday and seeing Shrek the Fourth with a group on Tuesday. My friends are such a sweet encouragement to me and I would honestly be lost without them. Tonight, my best friend Erin comes back from Florida and we both have orientation at Memphis Thursday - Friday :) Then Saturday, my other best friend Kendall comes home! So much excitement and running around - yet I wouldn't trade it for anything!

On a side note, I realized a few weeks ago that the older I get, the more I enjoy older music and movies. Maybe I can appreciate that particular genre now, but I'm really enjoying listening to Frank Sinatra, and watching movies like "Funny Girl" with Barbra Streisand. :)

I've also been able to write some more poetry lately! I might share some of my poems on here sometime, but right now they're just not ready to be posted on the internet. ;) 

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10 :)

Putting What You Know In Your Head . . . Into Your Heart.

Wow. Well, sometimes you can't beat around the bush: I haven't been this down in awhile. It's been one of those weekends where everything you do seems to be in vain. There is no real need to go into extravagant details, but I feel alone. My two best friends are in Florida and along with a few other things eating away at me... I am emotionally and physically drained. God is my comfort and my strength, but sometimes He's hard to find and difficult to rely on. I can't physically feel His hugs like I feel my mom's hugs. I can't hear His voice like I hear my friend's voice. I can't see His face like I see everything else. Yet even though I can't see Him, touch Him or hear Him, I know He is there. Lately, I've been trying to put what I know in my head, into my heart. It's hard to put something new into an old heart that is heavy and tired. Teaching an old heart a new (yet somehow familiar) beat is difficult but not impossible. I don't feel the way I know I should and that's driving me crazy. In these circumstances it can be very difficult to find joy.

I find myself staring at the wall with no real thoughts going through my mind - just resting and seeking God's comfort. I'm hoping and praying that this week will be different, but if it's not, that I won't be discouraged and that I will lean on God instead of the people and things of this world.

I came up with a little quote and I'm trying to keep it running through my head:
"God's hands can hold your worries better than yours... So let Him."

To: Sarah - Love, Your Heavenly Father

Amidst all of the running around and mailing invitations, God did something so amazing and I'm still in awe of how attentive He is - even to our small desires. May 6th was the Senior banquet and I went with a group of my friends. My date was my good friend Cassie who looked SO stunning! :)

During the months leading up to the banquet, Satan was trying to discourage me with the smallest thing: I didn't have a date. My two best friends were both asked by two of their guy friends. I know it doesn't seem like a huge deal, but to me it felt like no one wanted to be seen with me at my senior banquet, and that really got me down. I gave it all to God and focused on other things (like registering for orientation and spending time with my friends who are leaving for college this fall). About two weeks before the banquet, my friend Amy told me that my friend Cassie didn't have a date, so I asked her. :) The day of the banquet, all of my friends and our dates met at Bellevue to take pictures.

(Front row: Cassie, Olivia, Georganna, Kendall, Erin, and Me
 Back row: Zach, Ethan, Kaylor, Jake and Aaron)

I rode to Woodland Hills with Aaron, Erin, Jake and Kendall and I had a blast! Non of us were dating, so it was just five friends in a Mercedes blasting music. The evening went by smoothly, then after dinner all of the couples started taking pictures and I was the one taking the pictures. Satan tried to discourage me but then I was distracted by having to concentrate walking down the staircase in front of 500 people, in a floor length dress WITHOUT falling. After the seniors were recognized, the dancing began. My two best friends Erin and Kendall grabbed me and we all went on the dance floor and started to dance to the jazz band. It was SO much fun! Then the slow music started and my friend's dates came to claim them for a dance. I was left at the side of the dance floor without a partner. Watching my friends and their dates laugh and seeing them having fun is what broke me down right then. I stood there for about two minutes and then I couldn't take it anymore. So I went back to our table -which was empty- to pray and compose myself. I knew it wasn't a big deal but it kept nagging at me. After a few minutes, I felt a little better and went back to the dance floor to find Cassie. She was dancing with another guy so again I stood by myself, taking pictures of everyone on the dance floor. Then my two best friends -Kendall and Erin- came on either side of me and put their arms around me and just stood there with me watching the dancers. Nothing was said but everything was loud and clear. They knew that I had really wanted someone to ask me to the banquet and they knew he wasn't there. Refusing to ruin my makeup, I choked back the waterfall of tears threatening to burst forth. All of a sudden, I felt God's love and comfort as Erin and Kendall just stood there hugging me.

I knew that even though I was by myself at my senior dance, that I was still loved and cherished by my Heavenly Father and my best friends. Then, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was my good friend Aaron - who was Erin's date for the evening. He held his hand out and said "Come on, let's dance." I froze. Then composed myself and took his hand. Neither of us are good dancers, but we still had fun! Then after dancing with Aaron, his younger brother Ethan asked to dance with me. I ended up dancing almost the whole night alternating with Erin, Aaron, Zach, Ethan, Kaylor, Jake and Kendall. Again, I know it sounds small and even silly, but to me it was a huge hug from God telling me that I am worth time and effort. He used my friends to show me that He hasn't forgotten me and that He can see the small desires of my heart. Looking back on my senior banquet, I wouldn't have had it any other way. I am so thankful for my incredible friends. And what an AWESOME God we serve!

Here are a few pictures from the banquet!

  

                                                                           The girls

 

Our crazy friends :P

                                                    My two best friends! Erin and Kendall :)

                                                            hahaha Aaron and Erin!

                                        
                                                          Reverse! Aaron and Kendall

                                                                  Me and my friend Aaron!

And So It Begins...

So I decided to start a blog. I never thought the day would come when I would click "make an account," but here it is. I guess the reason I'm starting a blog is to have a way to write out my thoughts, plans, dreams and hopefully provide encouragement to someone who is in the same situation. However, I do not label myself as "entertaining." Most of what I will post will be about:

- Being in the world but not of the world

- Starting my freshman year at Memphis

- New crafts, ideas, hopes and dreams that I stumble across in everyday life

- Sharing new music

- Posting photos

- Basically what's going on in my life

So I hope anyone who reads my posts will find encouragement, new ideas, hope and maybe a chuckle or two. :)

Jeremiah 29:13